So, this is starting to get really hard. I'm exhausted beyond words & I can't seem to catch a break anymore. Look, I'm 15 and I have a baby. I'm trying, I'm really trying as hard as i possibly can, it just doesn't seem to be enough. Don't get me wrong, I love Michaela, I really do; more then anything. But I don't know how long I can go on like this... its painful to even watch myself type that; but I can't say it to anyone or their going to think that I'm a bad mother.. maybe I am, am I? I really think this would have been so much easier if I had Jonathan with me, it just breaks my heart more knowing that if I didn't screw things up with him then he would be here to enjoy his daughter & help me. I try, I really do... but at this point I'm not sure if trying is good enough. But anyway, I'm going to go on until the end, the only thing that could make me give my daughter up is death.. so baby girl we'll be stuck together forever (:
- i love you Michaela Lynn McGrath <3
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
getting to meet great grandma and grandpa!
So, today is the big day! No, not the day your thinking of... that day has already passed. I'm talking about getting to meet my grandma & grandpa! Michaela finally gets to meet her great grandma and great grandpa! She is 22 days old, and grandma and grandpa aren't sick anymore, so we are bringing little Mickey Mouse over there to meet the whole family! She hasn't met to much of the family yet & I'm looking forward to it! I'm going to put pictures up later.. (:
Saturday, April 16, 2011
4/16/11 ... baby Michaela is 3 weeks old, today (:
To my baby girl, Michaela Lynn McGrath:
I love you. When I first saw you, I knew we had an unbreakable bond. I couldn't believe how I could ever love someone as much as I love you. When I first looked into your eyes I felt my heart swell about 20x. I know it's going to be hard, because, well because; there's no possible way it could be easy... you don't have your father in your life as of right now.. but I promise you baby girl, it's not going to be like that for a long time. I thought being a mom wasn't going to be enjoyable at all, but I could never imagine changing it. I couldn't ask for a daughter better then you. Between your gorgeous eyes, you beautiful face & your amazing hair & your great personality I couldn't love anyone moree. The past three weeks have been great & I know it's just going to get better. When I think about the future & I think about you getting bigger and walking and talking & going to school... it makes me want to cry. My life is so amazing right now, I don't want anything to change. March 26th is the day that changed m life forever, it changed for the better. Your gorgeous Michaela and I love you, don't you ever forget that <33
I love you. When I first saw you, I knew we had an unbreakable bond. I couldn't believe how I could ever love someone as much as I love you. When I first looked into your eyes I felt my heart swell about 20x. I know it's going to be hard, because, well because; there's no possible way it could be easy... you don't have your father in your life as of right now.. but I promise you baby girl, it's not going to be like that for a long time. I thought being a mom wasn't going to be enjoyable at all, but I could never imagine changing it. I couldn't ask for a daughter better then you. Between your gorgeous eyes, you beautiful face & your amazing hair & your great personality I couldn't love anyone moree. The past three weeks have been great & I know it's just going to get better. When I think about the future & I think about you getting bigger and walking and talking & going to school... it makes me want to cry. My life is so amazing right now, I don't want anything to change. March 26th is the day that changed m life forever, it changed for the better. Your gorgeous Michaela and I love you, don't you ever forget that <33
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